When is it OK to be nice and unhappy?

Recently, I had a chat with a reader till about 1.30am in the morning. It was on the topic of insurance. Mind you, I wasn't giving any advice. I am not allowed to and I know it. We were just bouncing ideas off each other, she said, and she overheard me talking to myself.

In a recent blog post, I said that we often meet nice people in life and the reader I chatted with is a nice person and so is her husband. How could I tell?

Many of us are nice people who are considerate towards others. Unfortunately, nice people very often get taken advantage of in life. In the case of the reader, she had wanted to make adjustments to her insurance policies but her insurance agent had objected because:

"he said he'll have financial penalty if we withdraw some policies after buying 2 new ones this year from him"

So, what is the reader's plan?

"so, we decide next year, we'll be firm with what we think is right..at least he said within 1 year, if we terminate old policies after getting new policies, he suffers. So, next year, after the 1 year is over, we'll want to terminate some."

Isn't the reader being exceptionally nice? I think so. She really has no obligation to behave like this but she is being considerate despite being rather unhappy. I hope her agent appreciates it.

Personally, I had one such experience too when I bought an insurance policy when I first started life as a working adult. It was a whole life policy bought from a relative.

When the policy was delivered to me, it had riders which I didn't want (and I told him beforehand that if the product must be sold with the riders, I would not be interested) because it bumped up the premium by some 15% and it was a lot of money for a young working adult. He ignored my wishes because he needed the sale to hit some quota to qualify for some incentive trip.

I had wanted to cancel the policy but the relative objected and sought my dad's help. My dad told me not to cancel the policy because it would jeopardise the relative's career and I kept the policy despite being very unhappy. I lost all respect for that fellow (the relative, not my dad) since.

Nice!

Sometimes, it really doesn't pay to be nice, does it? To be nice, sometimes, we end up unhappy and paying more. So, how? Is it OK to be nice and unhappy? It depends.

We have to learn not to be nice and not care what some people think of us. Some people don't matter to us and, therefore, what they think of us should not matter at all.

Do you find it hard to tell who these people are? Well, if we know who are the people who matter, then, it becomes easier. The people who matter to me, ranked in order of importance:

1. Immediate family.

2. Close friends. Extended family.

3. Co-workers we work closely with.

4. Boss (whether we work closely with him or her does not matter.)

5. Friends less close. Co-workers less close.

So, anyone else should not matter much, if at all.

What should matter more to the golfer? The golf ball or the grass?

Over the years, I have become more discerning with requests for help and mindful about taking care of my own interests. There will always be people out there who would covertly or overtly try to take advantage of us. We should know this and beware.

There is still that boy scout in me but boy scouts grow up too.

Related posts:
1. To let go or to hold on to a position?
2. Nobody cares more about our money than we do.
3. Response from AK to accusations regarding seminar.